Hi Reader,
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A lot of women get really good at helping other people build their lives.

We listen to their problems, help them make decisions, anticipate what they need, offer encouragement, pick up the slack, worry about their futures, and step in when they're struggling.

And none of those things are inherently bad. Caring about other people is a beautiful quality that the world needs more of.

But what are you doing, caring, fixing and building for you?

It's easy to spend so much of your life supporting everyone else's story that you slowly become a supporting character in your own.

You start making decisions based on how other people will feel about them. You put your plans on hold because someone else needs you. You spend your emotional energy trying to help another capable adult get their life together. You know what you want, but someone's disappointment makes you reconsider it?

Eventually, you can become a master at helping everyone around you live their lives while feeling strangely disconnected from your own.

That's what I mean when I talk about the Main Character Shift.

Being the main character doesn't mean believing everyone else's life should revolve around you.

It means recognizing that your life should.

It means caring about someone without becoming responsible for their happiness or sadness.

It means supporting someone without rescuing them from every uncomfortable consequence.

It means considering someone's opinion without automatically giving it authority over your decisions.

It means asking What do I want? before immediately asking What does everyone else need from me?

And most importantly, it means directing some of that enormous capacity you have for loving, planning, supporting, encouraging, and creating toward your own life.

What would you build?

Where would you go?

Who would you spend more time with?

What would you learn?

What would you create?

What would make you feel passionate, connected, purposeful, fully known and accepted, and completely engaged in being alive?

So, here's your Main Character Challenge for this week:

Before you automatically ask, How can I help? What does he need? What will they think? How can I make this easier for everyone?

Take a few minutes to journal about the main character in the story of your life: you.

What has she been through? What has she learned? What strengths and weaknesses does she have? What do you love about her? What does she want to accomplish next?

And then do one thing that moves you in that direction.
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Give yourself permission to decenter your romantic relationship and recenter yourself as the main character of your story. It's time to honor your needs and establish your personal limits. When you're ready, join us in Girl Talk.
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Until next Monday, bye for now ...
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Love,
Melanie