Hi Reader,

Do you ever wish you could go back to a different stage or season of your life?

Do you miss who you were before your relationship became so complicated? Before you started questioning yourself so much? Before you felt responsible for everyone else's happiness? Before the fatigue, resentment, and confusion set in?

You might remember a version of yourself who felt lighter. More confident. More hopeful. More like you?

I know I have.

For years, I was stuck pining for a version of myself that I'll never get back. I'll never be the same person I was before my childhood heartbreak 💔 I remember my younger self as cool and fun, with friendships that I still miss dearly. They all moved on, but I hadn't. It took me almost 30 years to heal from that heartbreak.

I think there's a common misconception that healing means being restored to the person we were before the heartbreak, injury, or pain.

But emotional injuries are a lot like physical injuries.

We heal, but we're probably never going to be the same.

Three years ago, I tore my ACL playing indoor soccer on less-than-ideal turf 😑

I don't know if I'd call it bad luck, but I'm sure not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason. Instead, I like to say:

We can use everything that happens.

Because sometimes life just deals us a sh!t card.

Plans change. Relationships change. Careers change. Bodies change. People change. Things we thought were certain aren't.

My ACL recovery taught me that I couldn't rush what came next. Lord knows I tried.

I had to wait. I had to heal. I had to rebuild strength little by little and trust that eventually I would be able to do the things I loved again.

And thankfully, I can.

Not always without pain, though. And not exactly the way I did before.

I think that's the lesson I'm still learning three years later.

Healing isn't about getting back to who we were before something happened. I think it's about becoming someone new through it. It's learning how to move forward with everything you've learned, lost, survived, and become along the way.

I'll be 48 on Friday, and one of the beautiful things about growing older is becoming wiser through experience. What I'm realizing lately is something I never expected: I actually like who I am today.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but I love the woman I've become - not in a conceited way of course, but in a grounded self-acceptance kind of way. She is kind. Thoughtful. Strong. She cares deeply about everything.

I don't need to become the girl I was before that childhood heartbreak.

I don't need to become the woman I was before my divorces, mistakes, losses, disappointments, or any of the other things that changed me.

I don't need to love everything that happened to love the woman who came through it.

And neither do you.

There is no past version of you waiting somewhere for you to return.

There's just the woman who's here now and the woman she's becoming.

Whatever version of you is showing up today, I'm guessing she's survived a lot. She's probably learned a lot, too. Give her a hug and a pat on the back. 🫶🏽

It's time to release yourself from the grief and regret about who you were, what happened, and what could have been, and make room for the joy and wonder of who you're becoming. 💫

Keep going. You're doing great!

With love,
Melanie

P.S. If your relationship has become so consuming that you've lost sight of yourself, come join me for Girl Talk. It's my free virtual masterclass where we start turning some of that attention back toward reclaiming your life. As a woman who knows what it costs to keep the peace by betraying yourself, I’m on a mission to help women stop organizing their lives around everyone else’s comfort and start becoming the main characters of their own lives.