Hi Reader,

I've been watching Emily in Paris on Netflix and, oh, how I love this show. At one time I rolled my eyes at the romanticized fantasy of a show like this, but after someone encouraged me to watch it, I am hooked!!

Which is a little ironic considering that it is completely centered around romantic relationships; the antithesis of my work as a coach. 🤦🏽‍♀️

But the more I thought about why I love it, the more I realized that Emily isn't only chasing romantic love. She's living her best life.

She was brave enough to leave behind her familiar life in the States, and look what unfolded for her in Paris (and Rome). She has a challenging career she loves, she meets a best friend, mentors, adventures, travel, fashion, mishaps, heartbreak, and of course... Gabriel. The love of her life, but the timing is off.

And I think that's what makes the show so compelling to me.

Emily is the main character of her life. Gabriel is a part of the story.

I also love the analyzing the storytelling itself. Of course there are challenges, set backs and betrayal. What good would it be if Emily becomes her best Self in season 1! There would be no more story to tell. In other words, the main character doesn't get to skip to the good part.

There's a whole messy middle.
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And, our own lives are no different. I've had enough adversity, disappointment, betrayal, heartbreak, wrong turns, and unexpected plot twists in my own life to know that the story isn't always fun; it sucks sometimes, but its all leading to the next thing. It's all part of what makes victory over defeat so sweet!

Many women I talk to are stuck in the defeat part of their story. Something isn't right in the relationship.

Maybe there were red flags from the beginning? Maybe you chose a perfectly decent person, but he isn't much of a partner? Maybe the relationship worked for the woman you were at 25 but doesn't fit the woman you've become at 40? Maybe you've quietly quit the marriage but still can't imagine letting him go?

You know you're unhappy.

You know you can't keep doing this forever.

But you also want to be loved.

And that's where things get complicated.

The problem isn't wanting love. It's seeking love, companionship, purpose, hope and joy all from one source that can't provide those things. It's like returning to a dry well hoping this time there will be water.

You could spend years asking:

Will he change?

Will he become the man I need?

How can I fix this?

Should I stay or should I leave?

I think there's another way (to get water).

Stop going to the well and recenter yourself.

Who are you now?

What are your core values?

What makes you come alive?

What kind of life do you want?

What does healthy love actually look and feel like to you?

Then start building that life.

Develop your friendships.

Explore your interests.

Invest in your career.

Discover your passions.

Create financial stability.

Know your values.

Trust your instincts.

Become the author of your own life again.

Then choose who gets to be in it.

Because when two people who have done the internal work come together, neither person has to become a supporting character in the other's story. One person's career, needs, dreams, moods, preferences, or potential don't have to become the center of gravity for both people's lives.

Instead, there can be two whole people saying:

I have a life I love.
You have a life you love.
And we're choosing to build something beautiful together.

THAT is the kind of romantic love I believe in.

So no, I don't want women to give up on love.

Quite the opposite.

For some of us (not all of us) I want us to stop settling for unhealthy versions of love because we were taught, “You get what you get and you don't get upset.”

When we know better, we choose better.

And that's why I love Emily in Paris so much. It's Emily's story. Gabriel is a part of it.

Keep writing your story, Girl.

Until Next Monday, Bye for now.

Melanie
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P.S. You're invited to join Girl Talk. xo